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Sleepless Pandemic Nights

Updated: 2 days ago

I am at times an overly positive person. Sure, it sounds like a strength, but at times it can actually be more of a weakness. It keeps me from letting people into how I am actually feeling, how I’m struggling, or taking an honest look at reality. I strongly dislike it when people are “half glass empty” and so pessimistic about life, so I tend to compensate. 

These last three years (ahem… that whole Covid thing…) caused me to revisit my perspective around negativity and pessimism. 

There were nights during the pandemic where I would lay awake for hours on end. All the business finances, solutions to problems, and battling with the ever closing in thought that we might lose our gym- kept me awake most nights. I was exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained. But I still felt like I had to put on this armor of positivity. It became a daily battle against not feeling like I could express my inner feelings -  fear and negativity - and continuing to find a solution to what seemed like a cruel, never ending joke.

But, (thankfully there is a but) I found rest in it all.

Not a peace or understanding that it would all turn out okay, but a deep understanding that there is only so much I can do and fix at the time. I needed to do my best with the resources, skills, and tools I had, and learn to surrender the rest. Fearfully stepping into the truth that God is good and His plans are good. Maybe not the good I would like all the time, but good, nonetheless. 

I found a healthier place of being able to share honestly with those I am close to - teammates, masterminds, family and friends, and coaches - so that I wouldn’t need to carry all this weight on my shoulders, alone. During this time, I also became more aware of the small blessings around me. Learning to take time and create space to be able to appreciate them and enjoy them more fully. Learning that admitting things are hard, doesn’t make me less of a leader, or less of a man. I’d argue now, it has made me even stronger as a leader and a person.

Yes, we came very close to “losing it all” despite our best efforts. I could very well have become a negative, pessimistic, and resentful person along this journey. That would have been so, so easy. But now I can say, I am even grateful to have gone through it. I have more insight into how I can help those I have the opportunity to coach in different professional, and personal struggles they are going through. I have also learned how to hold everything around me with a looser grip. Knowing that it is all vapor. What is here today could be gone tomorrow. 

The contemplation and realistic observance of the finite nature of many things in our life is not pessimism. In reality, it is necessary to be able to fully enjoy the goodness all around us. It is this realization that we are not promised anything tomorrow, that we are then able to fully be appreciative of today.

Steward and pursue excellence in all that you have been entrusted with. Don’t let anything you have been given the ability to enjoy become gods of your life. Enjoy them in alignment with the One who has created them for the furthering of His Kingdom and the enjoyment of His creation.

Work harder than you need to.

Rest more than you think you have to.

If you want to learn more about the methods and strategies I have created to better steward all that you have been entrusted with, book a strategy call today.

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